If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny
himself,
and take up
his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes
to save his
life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My
sake will
find it.
(Matthew 16:24-25)
As I sit
here and write this, I feel prideful but I need to share this with you.
Please forgive
me if I sound boastful.
See, I
have struggled with pride my whole life. Humility seems to be a far-off fantasy.
Over the
last few years, I’ve prayed that God would set me free from feeling prideful.
Sometimes
I get jealous when something good happens to someone else instead of rejoicing with
them in their good fortune.
I’ve
wanted to be loved without first loving. Trusted without first trusting and
respected without first respecting.
Don’t
misunderstand me, I’m not a dirtbag. I’m afraid.
I’m
afraid of being rejected.
One of
the most horrible things to me would be that I would die and nobody would come
to my funeral.
God has
surrounded me with people who know this about me and choose to love(and like)
me anyway.
One of
those people is a very wise and Godly man named Bill Raby. Bill hears God.
A few
years ago he approached me after a bible study at his home and gave me a paper.
Now, Bill
didn’t say “Danny you need to read this because it’s a lesson you need to learn”
Truthfully
I don’t think that he even thought that. See, someone had given it to him
several years before and God had reminded him of it and he passed it on to me.
The other
day, while at my nieces getting my hair cut, God showed up, took the form of my
niece and spoke directly into my heart. He gently and lovingly reminded me that
it’s not about me or what I think.
See, my niece has struggled financially for
a long time. She has always looked up to my wife and I. We have always tried to
point her to the cross and give her Godly encouragement. We have given her books
to read and scripture to apply to circumstances, groceries and such.
Well, while
she was cutting my hair I was telling her about some things she could do to
help bring in some additional money. Looking back on our conversation, I felt “judgy”
and hypocritical but, true to form I just kept right on talking.
She
stepped back to pick something up off the table, she turned and stood there,
smiled and said
”You know uncle Danny, as I pray and read my
bible, I have found that true success is knowing, Really knowing Jesus and
having a relationship with Him. So that’s what I do and He takes care of
everything.”
Have you
ever wanted to crawl under the couch and hide? I just wanted to cry.
If I was
the “Man of God” that I thought I was, that’s what I would have told her.
God has
been gently and lovingly bumping my back on track ever since.
He
reminded me about the paper bill gave me a few years ago. Now I want to pass it
on to you.
Others may,
you cannot.
If God has called you to be truly
like Jesus in all your spirit,
He will draw you into a life of
crucifixion and humility.
He will put on you such demands of
obedience that you will not be allowed to follow other Christians. In many
ways, He seems to let other good people do things which He will not let
you do.
Others who seem to be very religious and useful may push themselves,
pull wires, and scheme to carry out their plans, but you cannot. If you attempt
it, you will meet with such failure and rebuke from the Lord as to make
you sorely penitent.
Others can brag about themselves, their work, their successes,
their writings, but the Holy Spirit will not allow you to do any such
thing. If you begin to do so, He will lead you into some deep mortification
that will make you despise yourself and all your good works.
Others will be allowed to succeed in making great sums of money,
or having a legacy left to them, or in having luxuries, but God may supply
you only on a day-to-day basis, because He wants you to have something far
better than gold, a helpless dependence on Him and His unseen treasury.
The Lord may let others be honored and put forward while keeping
you hidden in obscurity because He wants to produce some choice, fragrant
fruit for His coming glory, which can only be produced in the shade.
God may let others be great, but keep you small. He will let others
do a work for Him and get the credit, but He will make you work and toil
without knowing how much you are doing.
Then, to make your work still more
precious, He will let others get the credit for the work which you have done; this to teach you
the message of the Cross, humility, and something of the value of being
cloaked with His nature.
The Holy Spirit will put a strict watch on you, and with a jealous
love rebuke you for careless words and feelings, or for wasting your time,
which other Christians never seem distressed over.
So make up your mind that God is an infinite Sovereign and
has a right to do as He pleases with His own, and that He may not explain
to you a thousand things which may puzzle your reason in His dealings with
you.
God will take you at your word. If you absolutely sell yourself
to be His slave, He will wrap you up in a jealous love and let other
people say and do many things that you cannot.
Settle it forever; you are to deal
directly with the Holy Spirit, He is to have the privilege of tying your
tongue or chaining your hand or closing your eyes in ways which others
are not dealt with.
However, know this great
secret of the Kingdom: When you are so completely possessed
with the Living God that you are, in your secret heart, pleased
and delighted over this peculiar, personal, private, jealous guardianship
and management of the Holy Spirit
over your life, you will have found the vestibule of heaven, the
high calling of God.
By G.D. Watson
